Originally published at Gibberings. You can comment here or there.

As of today, I am going to start putting my favorite selections from my own Kotaku posts here, as by this point, I’ve probably produced a novel’s-worth of text for the site. Some of it, I’m quite proud of.
But today’s selection is by Florian Eckhardt, my half-black, albino, femme lesbian lover and staunch ally against the forces of LOL, fanboyism, and e-mailed lawsuit threats from the Jackass Jihad. And I don’t mean Bam and company; those kids are alright.

Moving on. One of my favorite things about Florian’s writing is his descriptions of violence. Much as I excel at describing filthy things, Eckie’s proclivities tend towards the pugilistic. This is from his post describing his nigh-thwarted attempt to purchase Bully, aka Canis Canem Edit.

“I need to see some ID, sir” he demanded. I considered grasping him by the lapels and swinging my hand back and forth in a devastating, sweeping arc across the pimply jowls of his blubbery face, shaking him awake again when he was on the verge of passing out. A Mike Hammer style bitch slap, as it were. But I quickly calmed down.

Aside from the pure ridiculousness of doubting Florian’s age (he’s in his mid-sixties, a veritable silver Humbert), the game store employee was carding him not because of the stink bombs, wedgies and shoving, but because of the same-sex spit-swapping. Comedy gold.

Tags: bully, florian eckhardt, games

For those not up on the ragged edge of video game hype, the new Rockstar title “Bully” is an open world. A very open world. It’s been called GTA Junior, but that’s not giving it enough credit. I’ll write something else about the game itself later, but the topic at hand is the kissing mechanic in the game.

There are social interaction options for every NPC, and when talking to girls, you can offer them delicious gifts from your inventory (flowers and chocolate). Once they’re suitably moneyed up, they give up the goods and suction your face for a sizable health bonus. I get hit by cars and preppies a lot, so this bonus is pretty important to my in-game survival.

Did I say girls? I meant kids.

10.
So this is where homosexuality comes from!!!

Posted at 4:55PM on Oct 22nd 2006 by Jack Thompson

Joystiq’s comment section is usually a cluster fuck, but much like Digg, sometimes it’s as good or better than the actual article it accompanies. In this particular instance I’m super impressed with (most of) the Joystiq constituency.

23. #15

"Why is so much of the USA so homophobic?" (Limey)

Leviticus 18:22

"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination."

The Bible makes it clear that homosexuality is a sin. It's on the same level as eating shrimp.

http://godhatesshrimp.com/

Posted at 5:46PM on Oct 22nd 2006 by Probot

I am enjoying the living fuck out of this game. I play for a few hours every night. When I heard it mentioned in a pre-release review that there was an option to kiss boys, I got into an unannounced race with Fruit Brute of GayGamer to find the first kissable boy. Apparently there are several, but the Brute won by a few hours and posted this video.

It’s fantastic that Rockstar just put this in here without comment.

It’s the lack of comment on their part that makes it so progressive. It’s simply one among many choices that the player can make: do I hit this kid who gave me a wedgie, make peace, or tell him to eat shit? Do I take a bribe to egg the girls’ dorm, or do I keep out of trouble? Do I play hooky and go to the carnival, or do I go to shop class? Do I court the sassy redheaded girl, or the flaxen beefcake?

Me, I do it all. Except punch little kids. That’s not wicked in a fun way.

Tomtomtom1990
F4GZORZ!?!?!? IN TEH VIDEO GAEM!?!? WFT!!111
Posted Oct 23, 2006 6:45 pm PT

Tags: bully, fags, games, gay, homosexuality, kissing, rockstar